11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I smell stomach acid.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
