Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
