So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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