i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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