I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
