I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize