The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
