i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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