Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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