Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
