First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
