There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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