Your mouth is God's brothel.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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