so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
