She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
