I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
