Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
