Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
