I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
