I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
This is my gift to your gina
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
