My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
