So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
