Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
