i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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