I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
