to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
