I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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