and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Houston, we have a blender
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
