i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
