my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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