Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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