Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
