Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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