Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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