Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
