Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
