I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
