Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
