everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Drunk is not a location!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
