I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
