I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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