He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
