Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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