I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
