oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
