My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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