I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
