apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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