What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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