how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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