btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize