I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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