you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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