Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
