Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
