Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
