i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
