hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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