the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
