so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I pour the whiskey from now on
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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