We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
