I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
