4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i dont even know how to be here
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
