I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
