apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
