The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
