So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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