Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
