Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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