I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
