I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize