my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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