I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
