Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
